One FAQ many potential embryo adoptive families have is: “Should we reveal the details of our embryo adoption story with our child, family, and friends?”
Some hopeful adoptive parents worry how people might respond or treat their kids differently if they knew. Others are concerned their kids may struggle with their adoption story. Sometimes parents fear that attachment and bonding may be negatively impacted. And with this form of adoption, it is totally possible to keep it under wraps……..at least for a while! Why does anyone need to know?
Here are four compelling reasons why kids need to know their embryo adoption story from an early age. You shouldn’t be afraid to share the amazing thing God did!
1. Your child will find out about their embryo adoption story eventually
Genetic testing is easy and prevalent. Because of this, there is no such thing as a fully anonymous embryo adoption. But apparently, regulations vary from state to state. In Washington State, people conceived through ART have certain rights at 18 years old. They are allowed access to the identity of their biological family through the fertility clinic where they were conceived.
Your child will likely guess they are not biological at some point. It’s so much better to cross that bridge in a gentle and positive way. No shock or trauma!
2. Truth fosters security and confidence.
You can’t live a lie to your child and expect them to appreciate that later in life! You are both missing out on an incredible opportunity for bonding and attachment. Fully disclosing the details and encouraging questions about their embryo adoption story builds empathy and trust. Also, you control the narrative while your child is young. Make it positive and showcase the incredible work of God’s hand in bringing you together as family!
3. The support of family and friends is invaluable.
Of course, who gets to know is an incredibly personal decision. But I think you will be surprised (I was!) in the overwhelmingly positive response when I explain embryo adoption to others. It’s seriously the coolest thing. Anyone who thinks otherwise is crazy, so don’t worry your pretty head about them.
Also, this journey encompasses some of the best— and worst—days of my life. And I can’t imagine doing it without a shoulder to cry on and a tribe to celebrate with. These relationships are invaluable to your physical, emotional, and spiritual health.
4. Someday, donor-conceived kids will need support, too.
“But do you like being adopted?” The serious question was posed. Sister had just finished explaining the whole story in her own words to a couple of her young friends. Inquiring 8-year-old minds were blown, and further details were required.
Oh how I love them. They are such girls. Even at this age.
“What do you mean, I LOVE this family!” She retorted. (In the most perturbed voice you can imagine.)
Sometimes I wonder if we don’t love each other just a tad more than some. We are all so vividly aware that God chose us for each other. It’s not that we have anything that normally conceived families don’t have. We just think about God’s providence and lovingkindness a lot. Just looking at her is a daily reminder of how blessed we are to be entrusted with such a treasure. She knows she could have been born into a gazillion other families. But God chose us. Crazy.
She’s pretty exited to share her story, and it makes my heart swell. These little 3rd and 4th graders blow me away with their ability to connect, empathize, and encourage each other. What a GIFT to have friends and family who will always understand and have her back. It will never be difficult, uncomfortable, or embarrassing for her to talk about. Her friends understand and are familiar with her story. This enables confidence and squashes shame. Insecurities will have no chance to settle in. At least, that’s what we’re hoping!
Your embryo adoption story is beautiful, so don’t worry!
Adoption is beautiful because God says so. When our eyes are on Jesus and we point our kids to His wonderful face, we will see. Even negative comments won’t discourage us, because our minds are set on the prize set before us.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” -Hebrews 12:1-3
Well, that’s all for today, folks. This season is so wonderfully full! I hope you are all treasuring this time with family and I’d rather you do that than be here reading! So we’re keeping it short today 😉 Thank you for continuing to follow along!
For more on this topic, check out this great article from Focus on the Family!
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